I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
