I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
