Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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