He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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