note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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