my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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