I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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