Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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