I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
