I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
