You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
