My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
