i was born a porn star she said
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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