is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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