cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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