I heard we made out
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
