the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
