did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
