Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
