I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
