Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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