WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
