I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
