I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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