my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
