just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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