Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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