This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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