and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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