At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
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Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
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They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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