Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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