I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
