I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
