i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
