Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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