dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I will die if light touches me.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
