i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
