she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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