I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
