you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
