11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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