I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
