Your tits are I can't wait for
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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