Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
