Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
