Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
