She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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