Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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