so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
party gras won. party gras always wins.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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