if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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