either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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