so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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