So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Randomize