Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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