I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
