You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
