so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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