I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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