I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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