White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
