i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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