then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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