I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
