I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.