Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?