Texts From Last Night

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  (317): View more from Indiana

  did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more

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  (317): did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more http://tfl.nu/ndo9
  Replies (4) Good night (584) Bad night (923)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.

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  (603): I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera. http://tfl.nu/u22v
  Replies (28) Good night (798) Bad night (2381)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.

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  (512): he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak. http://tfl.nu/trp5
  Replies (151) Good night (1030) Bad night (4301)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps

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  (904): i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps http://tfl.nu/x84f
  Replies (85) Good night (6353) Bad night (560)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill

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  (240): boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill http://tfl.nu/6vp9
  Replies (148) Good night (3637) Bad night (12531)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.

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  (954): I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day. http://tfl.nu/gtxx
  Replies (13) Good night (5282) Bad night (1017)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.

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  (845): Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good. http://tfl.nu/x11e
  Replies (0) Good night (1136) Bad night (606)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.

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  (304): Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad. http://tfl.nu/m6pm
  Replies (5) Good night (1653) Bad night (545)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.

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  (410): Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times. http://tfl.nu/siml
  Replies (8) Good night (2410) Bad night (833)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing

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  (309): adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing http://tfl.nu/dxv4
  Replies (5) Good night (946) Bad night (496)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later

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  (215): shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later http://tfl.nu/zlh0
  Replies (5) Good night (915) Bad night (274)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.

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  (508): I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress. http://tfl.nu/zrup
  Replies (1) Good night (750) Bad night (411)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face

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  (860): You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face http://tfl.nu/wwpz
  Replies (3) Good night (862) Bad night (597)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Why so serious bruh

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  (604): In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address. (778): Why so serious bruh http://tfl.nu/48qn
  Replies (1) Good night (371) Bad night (533)
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  (530): View more from California

  Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.

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  (530): Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber. http://tfl.nu/lvwx
  Replies (3) Good night (384) Bad night (599)

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