I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.