"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Randomize
