i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
