first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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