I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she woke up with a sticky ear
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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