My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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