woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
