I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
ttyl tear gas
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
