Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
