i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Michael Bay diarrhea
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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