i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i came on her dog
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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