What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
